YAWN!

The phone rang.

"Sorry."

"You know Nate's phone rang and so did mine. I knew it. We are connected. Maybe I should marry him."
"Mate?"
"Nate!"
"What are you saying?"
"I am talking of Nate. Nate from Six Feet Under!"
"Oh! Nate..!"
"Yes, I know my blocked nose and fucked up throat makes everything sound so differ ant."
"Yes. It does."
"What do you think? Should I marry Nate? I wish I could marry that cute gay too. Darn! Why did he have to be gay?"
"WHAT are you saying?"
"Yes! I have been dreaming of this cute gay guy for the past three days. I met him months back and when I spoke to this friend of mine some three days back, she told me he was asking for my number."
"L! I can not understand you."
"Oh! Come on! He is really cute. I just want him to turn heterosexual for me."
"I am not jealous L, if you think."
"Of course you are not. You are not that type."
Why are you not, G? :(
"Just let me know when you want to break up with me, so that i am mentally prepared."
"Oh! Don't you worry that I would."
"Hmmm."
"So.....?"
"So what?"
"So, how was your day?"
"My day..... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...."
YAWN!
"...And then there is this match tomorrow between XYZ and JKL..."
YAWN "Yes..."
"And you of course do not know what I am talking about."
"No. But then you are talking and that is nice."
"Yeah." Given up.
"So what are you wearing?"
"How does that matter?"
"No. It does not."
"Of course it does not."
"Yes. No matter how much you may like me pouncing on you, it does not matter."
"Not like you are in the mood."
"Yes I am not but you can answer me."
"Not all questions are meant to be answered."
"Okay. I shall go and sleep now."
"Did you practice this conversation?"
"No. I do not practice any of my conversations. Why?"
Because you always sound so mechanical.
"No. Just generally."
"Oh! So you wanted to sound all hep."
"What is so hep about this?"
"I do not know. Why are you talking like this?"
"No. Just asked. Anyway, so you must be tired. Go to sleep."
"Do not make it sound like it is my fault."
"Well I am not. I mean it. Go. Sleep."
"I have had a tiring day."
"I understand and that is why I am saying Go and Sleep."
"But you are making me feel guilty about wanting to sleep."
"No. I do not mean it that way. I am serious. Go. Sleep."
"What are you wearing?"
"I do not know."
"This is the lamest anybody can get. 'I do not know' is the stupidest answer to any question."
"Hmmm."
"Okay. Good Night."
"Good Night. Sleep Well."

Phew.

This was one of our longer conversations. Lately, by which I mean some three-four months, we have just been talking too little and for some strange reason, neither of us feel the need to talk more. Ages, since we had a conversation. A random one or even a serious one. I guess we are bored.

And that to be honest is O.K.A.Y. Every relationship hits a high point, a low point and a bore point. It is bound to come when you love someone so much and know just about everything. You no longer think and guess what they must be doing right now, you know what they must be doing. You know what facial expression is going to follow after that sentence, and even complete their verbal reactions to it. They become predictable. Hence, boring.

It is rather hard to love immensely and hold interest, both, at the same time. We humans are a little too restless to handle both. I for one, definitely am.

"I am really pissed off."
"Okay. Then listen to the latest news."
"What?"
"I think I want to break up with G."
"What? Why?"
"Because I am bored."
"How boring is that."
"What?"
"You want to break up with him because you are bored in your relationship?"
"Yes. I need something more exciting. Something that is happening. There is just nothing happening in our relationship. We wake up. Walk our ways to office. Maybe talk for a minute or two again in the evening, only to say 'lets talk later' and then 'Good Night' around 11-12. It is so fucking mechanical. It is so routined. And I hate it."
"At least have an exciting reason to break up. Cheat on him!"
"You know I can not do that."
"Because you love him."
"YES!"
"Then why do you want to break up?"
"Because I am bored."
"Well, then make up a story of cheating on him."
"Hah. Like that is going to work. He will never believe me. He KNOWS me."
"Come on. He has a cock. He will get jealous."
"Well, there you go. One of the biggest advantages of having a fat girlfriend is being free of insecurities."
"That is not true."
"I know my fucking boyfriend and he knows me too. And THAT is our fucking problem."
"Well.... At least have an exciting break up."
"Exciting like what? Go. See him. Fuck him. And then break up with him."
"Yeah. That sounds fun."
"Do you realize I am in love with this guy?"
"Then do not break up."
"Then what the fuck am I supposed to do? I am bloody bored."
"And you guys do not even fight."
"Exactly."
"Lets go out this weekend."
"I am desperate. I need a vacation so bad."
"Lets seriously plan this tomorrow when we meet."
"Totally. I need to get away from allot of things."

Now, I know what a want. The reason why I burst into tears the other day in front of everyone without any reason or even an obvious emotional trigger, shocking the living daylights of all the people around me was clear. The reason why G has been lately scared of what I say, how I say it and what I exactly mean is clear. The reason why I want to break up is clear. The reason for my mood swings is clear.

I am plain unhappy with myself. I am not a mechanical person, but I am living a mechanical life. I am used to of doing what I want to. I am living the dream I always envisioned but did not see it as robotic, which is how it has become. I have no time for myself. For my expression. To stop. To feel. To realize. To feel free. To feel me.

I need some time off. I need a BREAK, sans the 'up'. And a good conversation with G. A random one. Not a practiced and planned one.

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Honor-esty!

"So he slept in the Drawing Room", in the most expectant voice.
"Well... No. The first day we were all watching movies in my flat mate's room, so we slept there..."
"And the next day in the Drawing Room?", now her voice getting firm.
"No. In my room. On the Floor mattress." Both being a lie. We slept on my bed after exhaustive sex for those two days.

She decided to hang up on hearing my last line and not talk.

What is with Honesty, after all? Is it difficult because it is hard to admit or is it harder to accept? Maybe both. The fact that it is so hard for others to accept that others find it difficult to admit. Probably that is the reason why most of the honest people nowadays are considered 'blunt' and sometimes even 'ill-behaved' because they do not care whether you accept it or not.

For me, honesty has always been a matter of Self Honor. Be proud of what you have done else do not do it. This being the reason why I have never believed in lying except for times when I know it would hurt my mother or my sister. Also, I know I would want to tell them as soon as possible, at the closest right time.

So, this time, there were no secrets. G was coming for the weekend. He was staying with me. He is my boyfriend, everyone knows from day one, anyway. But, my sister thinks it is difficult for a couple to stay in one room and not get physical. And that is precisely what got her upset. Despite her long lectures and explanations about how G and I should not sleep in one room because 'it is different when your friends sleep with you and when your boyfriend does', he did sleep in my room and I did not lie.

The funny thing is, I hid my previous trips to G from them. My virginity is a secret and shall remain for some time. My mother hopes I will break up with G and ultimately marry a nice Muslim boy of her choice. What the truth is is still hidden.

Am I completely being honest? Do I have the balls to face the repercussions of these truths? Is this a question to my personal principles or am I exaggerating?

What makes people uncomfortable with letting out truth at any point of time to anybody, is that you will not be comfortable taking it in. Honesty, in actuality is as easy as you make it. But then how far does comfort decide the extent of honesty? I may let out all that I want to on this Blog, yet my identity remains in the dark and I am not even comfortable letting it out.

Funny how honesty plays around with you making you look like a big jerk in any situation, whether it is where you are lying or one where you are 'blunt' or just calculating how much is to be let out. Honesty is a bitch! And Honor? Fuck it!

P.S. - This had to be a post about G and his beautiful short trip to see me, but unfortunately things do not go the way you plan them. Sometimes you are thinking of something and something else would fuck up your mind to the extent of overtaking your original emotions that were meant to be expressed.

Con-NEcT-ed

It was time. It was past eleven. My play list was set. I had my Beer Mug in hand. The froth of my Cold Coffee looked tempting, as always. Only this midnight, it was going to be a Banana Shake and not the usual Cold Coffee.

G: whers ur cold coffee?
me: on a banana diet today
so only milk n banana for 2 days
G: r u like a diet conscious person?
me: noh.. i need to lose weight cos im genuinely over weight!
im not d 'oh my god... my weight!!!' kindda chic
G: u dnt look overweight
me: but i am.... :)
G: didnt gt ur last msg
me: but i am ovr weight.. :)
G: women think even 50 kgs is overweight
me: and im not evn close to it!!
:P
G: below or above?
me: i definitely dont look mal nourished do i??
G: no, bt u look 55, nt more than that, atleast from wat i can see
me: i love 'half' pictures :)
G: lol ok
me: :)
d secret remains... :)

*************************************************************************************

M: can i ask u something
something tells me
or i have a strong gut instinct
that u are quite tall
me: LOL.
You have funny instincts. :P
M: cos its true
and i totally love
tall fair girls
with long hair
hahahaa
:)
me: What if I have none of these attributes?
M: i still love u
:)
as my luscious
its who u are that matters
the amazing person inside person
the person inside u that attracted me
nt ur looks
u can be a waitress or the princess of london
yet u'll always be ma girl
me: It really sounds better in books.
M: no babes
trust a guy when he says this
me: 'trust a guy'
Ok.
And why so?
M: :)
cos u will always know when a guy says these things
u dont need to trust him
when he says
ur bful
or ur wonderful etc
it mite simply mean
u have big boobs and i wanna sleep with u
but
when he says
i dont care who u are
but i'll still love u
it means he really means it
and he cares abt u
so trust a guy when he says this
lol

*************************************************************************************

G and I chatted every night and in no time were the 'most beautiful people' in each others lives with he having seen my 'deceptive half picture' and me having my own idea of his height weight looks. But we knew we had something.

*************************************************************************************

After a continued long discussion on Internet relationships with M, a fellow Blogger.

M: wait
so where does all the " knowing him so well" go ?
rite
can u really tell
me: It takes a life and yet you will nvr knoe everything abou a prson
It is just about being comfortable, that is it.
M: exactly
absolutely
bang on target
being comfortable
being urself near him
u dont need to know him
if ur like that
u mite as well as teach him a few moves
to satisfy u physically or emotionally, if needed ;)
u wont feel hesitant
cos ur so much urself and comfortable with him
me: True but it depends on an individual how do they work on their relationships.
M: yea... :)

*************************************************************************************

Though G may have thought, 'Oh Fuck! She looks bloody overweight', when he first saw me. The point is WE are Con-NEcT-ed. And that is the something we have. And that is what works for us.

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Break Point

"Where are you?"
"Right there. On the stairs."
"I do not see you. Okay, I think I can see you..."
They saw each other, smiled and put their cellphones back.
"Hi L!", extending his hand.
"Hello!", as my chirpy self and we shook hands like two clients meeting for
the first time to discuss a grand marketing deal. Not like we were any better. We were ex lovers meeting for the first time.

"Shit! I can not believe I am sitting here with you."
I smiled thinking he was over reacting.
He gave that look again.
"Relax S! Do you want me to pinch you?"
"Wow!"
Okay! So, I was really in a relationship with HIM!
"So, How are you?"
"I am ecstatic. I am sitting with you here. What do you expect?"
Wow! So, someone could be that excited to see me that his ear to ear smile would not compress? Alright! He was always 'too into me'. And that was precisely the reason that drew me away from him.
"What will you have?"
"Coffee?"
"WHAT!? We meet for the first time and you want to have just coffee? You will have to eat something."
Phew! I am so happy this is not a date.
"I really do not want to. You order what you want to have."
"I did not have lunch thinking we will have it together."
"It is 16:30."
"So?"
"Umm. Okay. Lets order."
We take some 10 minutes to decide what counter to go to at the Food Court. And finally when he gets into a line.
"Will you have x?"
"No, thank you S."
"Okay. Will you have y?"
"No S."
"Z?"
"S!",giving him one of those stern GrandMa looks.
"No. This is not fair. You will have to eat something.", dancing like a stubborn kid who wants that toy else he will sit right there on the floor and cry for it.
Helplessly,"S!"
He tries one of the most pathetic puppy dog faces I have ever seen.
"Ice Cream! And that is it!"
He finally ordered. Phew! It was a task, I swear!
We sat on our table and once again came that look. Someone slap me for coming here!
"This is for you.", sliding a small packet with a card towards me.
"What is it?"
"A present for you."
"Why?" Do we women love this or what.
"Just like that."
"No S. I am sorry. I can not accept it."
"Look at it first at least. It is nothing great." WHAT!? TAKE IT AWAY RIGHT NOW!
"No S." Has any woman accepted a gift willingly no matter how desperately she wants it? Acting pricey comes naturally, like breasts.
After 5-10 minutes of being a typical woman, he takes the gift. WTF! I knew I was overdoing it. Darn!
He opened it himself and took out a shining Gold bracelet. Fuck!
"No way. I just can not accept this."
And he tries to push it on my wrist.
"S... S..." Looking at it more carefully, Oh! What was he thinking? It would have looked better in Silver.
"S... I really can not take this."
"Now, stop all this. This is not even expensive if you are thinking that." Err... Okay.
"S... Please. This is not needed."
"This is not even real." Whoa! O-K-A-Y. You do not really talk about your own gifts like that. Do you?
"S!"
And he almost started dancing in the same way sitting on his chair.
"Okay. Okay. Thank you very much. It is beautiful." Argh. How much do I hate formalities. They only teach you how to lie.
And the food came.
And he started to feed me his food. Alright, now this is too much embarrassment for me to take in one day. Thank goodness I was in a different country which I would not return to for long, at least, if not never.
"So, how is F?"
"Oh! She is good."
"Why didn't you bring her? I would have loved to meet her."
"She is out of town."
"Okay."
Changing the topic, "You are very bad, L. You are meeting me today when you are leaving tomorrow. Get your ticket cancelled."
"I can not. I have work."
"This is very unfair."
"I am sorry but I was here for a very short while, anyway. Yet I managed to call and meet."
He was about to start his whining and dancing when I interrupted, "So, How are things between you and F?"
"Not great. We are having too many fights. It is getting difficult."
"Marriage?"
"I do not know."
"What do you mean, you do not know? What about your parents?"
"What? What about them?"
"It is an arranged thing, no?"
"No."
"No? Then what was that long story about your mom seeing F in some gathering and fixing you up with her?"
"She was interning at my office."
"O-K-A-Y." What a Bastard! I always knew he lied to me, and that innocent face! He deserved what I gave him then. Huh.
He went on with his entire love story, "But it does not seem to be working out."
"Relax. Fights happen. It will work out. She sounds like a nice girl and you are a nice guy too. You both will make it happen." He actually aint that bad as a person.
"You think I am a nice guy?"
"Yes. I am sure."
"Thet n why did you leave me the way you did?"
"Look, that was a sort of a mistake. I was not too sure. I just did not know where this was going."
"We were together for four years. We had so much between us and you thought it was going nowhere? What did I not give you? What was missing, after all?"
Oops. Wrong topic. Someone save me! But honestly, I really wanted this to get cleared between us. Probably this was my main motive to meet him. To get it cleared once and for all, face-to-face.
"Nothing. You were very nice to me. You loved me allot."
"Exactly. Yet?"
"Look, I did not see this working out sitting in two different countries, chatting all our lives. And then I had different priorities."
"I told you I will let you do what you want to."
"It is easier said than done, S."
"L, if you tried and if you loved me enough, this would have worked."
"You think I did not try? Every time I was confused about our relationship and wanted to break up. I'd come back running to you, making efforts to make it work. We had everything. Everything was perfect."
Holding my arm tight in anger, "Then what? What was wrong?" I thought I would never be able to answer him that question until this moment in our conversation. I could have easily screamed G's name then. I had skipped too many heartbeats, scared of the man sitting opposite to me, now.
I was taken aback with his physical reaction or rather taken into that I had no reaction of my own.
"Look, you have no reason. You did not treat me right."
"I am sorry for what I did. I know I should have not run away from the relationship the way I did."
"If you would have talked to me, would I not understand? I always did, didn't I? Why did you have to cut all modes of interaction. Not replying to my mails, calls, pings, SMSs, nothing, whatsoever."
"Look, I am sorry. It was a naive move. I should not have done it. I should have spoken to you. You understand me really well. In fact, I still thing, no one understands me the way you do."
"Do you regret your decision?"
"Yes."
"Good. You better."
"I am sorry. Please. Really.", almost about to cry out of desperation. Desperate to get done with this situation, not to seek forgiveness.
"Would you marry me if things do not work out with F?"
"Ok, So I am your back up now?"
"No. You were my woman. The woman I wanted to live my entire life with, but you also happened to be the woman who hurt me the most, who betrayed me."
"S..."
"Anyway... Would you?"
"What about G, then?"
"Oh! Yeah, I forgot.", giving a disgusted look, he turned his face away.
"Lets see... Could I fit you....", smiling.
"Why would there be a place for me?"
"If things do not work out with G and if you are able to convince my parents, then maybe."
"Really?"
I nod.
"I'd do anything to be with you. To keep you happy. To..." Uh Oh! Wrong topic, again.
I smile, "Fine. When the situation arises then we would talk about it. And just in case it does not, we will have an extra marital. Deal?"
"No ya. F is a nice girl. I do not want to cheat on her."
Okay. So you think you are one Greek God who deserves to cut the cake, have it and save some in the fridge for the next day too.
"Alright. Enough of good talks and bad talks. We should leave."
"We just met."
"Its been over two hours. Someone is coming to meet me. I have to go."
"This is not fair. Give me your ticket. I am getting it cancelled."
"S. Stop acting like this. At least we met. Something we thought would never happen."
"I did not. You did."
"Fine. I did.."
"And that is why you left me."
"S..."
"Fine. I do not want us remembering our meeting with these conversations."
"Exactly. Now, shall we leave?"
We rise to leave, "L?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I please hug you?"
"Ofcourse."
It was our first hug. I contemplated kissing on his cheek, but did not. Just didn't.

I have not been happier of a decision in my life. Breaking up with him after a long 'why do I want to break up' discussion never worked. I always cried and ran back to him within minutes with virtual Yahoo! hugs and kisses. I really was attached to him. He treated me like a Princess. He still would. He just knew how to treat his Lady Love like a Queen and spoil her till she started dancing like him. But this was not going to work for me in the future. I had known this for long. I knew he wanted an early marriage. I did not even know if I wanted one. He was in one country and I in another. We could meet or even make it work without meeting, but would that give me personal satisfaction? It was not working for me. It was not going to work for us. I knew it. And I had to stop wasting my time in such a relationship.

Why hold onto something that would give me nothing but would take allot from me and the other person? I had to stop this and I did. I blocked him from my life, mind, heart, which was not easy but blocking him on the Internet and ignoring his calls and SMSs made it easier. And with time it faded until I realized this was not a mature way to go about it or maybe when I felt emotionally stronger to face him again, only to find out his marriage is fixed with F. I cried to just get the shock out of my system.

My friend once said, "L, you think you will walk up to him after a year and he would still be there for you?" I fought over confidently. I knew he would. He was the sorts. Apparently, he was not. I did not feel a deep loss, just a bolt to my humongous ego. That is it.

Because this, undoubtedly, was so far the best decision I had ever taken for myself. The second was G. I am happier in life. I know what I am doing. And doing it effortlessly. Loving every bit of it.

Sorry S, I lied. I do not regret. WTF!? Did I really say 'yes' to him on that? Fuck Fuck Fuck! SLAP SLAP SLAP!

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Killer!

"I Love you and that too loads. (Please do not freak out, just having one of those I-Love-you-so-much days :P)" Message succesfully sent to G.

"Oh, you know I tried fighting with him yesterday, acting all pricey and he was shooo shweet. He kept calling back. Kept asking what happened. Was so concerned..."

"That is because you still have not crossed 6 months."

"I was talking to him in monosyllables. He asked me 'you do not want to talk?' And I said 'No', so he kept 'I Love you-ing' me."

The elder one jumped, "My guy! If I say No, he would say 'OK'."

"Better still, my guy would say a 'Hurray!' before the Bye, if I said 'No' to talking to him, with a little 'Thank you' too."

"Aww. Cho mean!"

There was a time when we were thick. Maybe we still are, somewhere. My two cousins still consider me extremely close to them but I seem to be moving away.

It is not just them. It is everybody. Maybe my blog too. I guess, living alone does not suit me. It kills me, professionally and personally, both. I hardly find people nice. I seem to have a problem with each one of them. And more so, cause I think they have a problem with me.

Trying hard to break free. Wake up with an attitude to kill, but once I am out of the house, I realize I left my sword behind. Have nothing to fight with.

Every single thing said by every single person irritates me. I want to shut myself in and yet be out fighting it. Because I do not like it. I do not want it.

No idea whether I am sinking or just floating in the middle of a deep blue sea.

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Petty Privacy!

Chatter: Yeah. Anyway R, I was saying...You and I will have to also part ways
me: Why?
And firstly, Why have you been referring to me as R since yesterday?
Chatter: Because when I am talking to you I feel that i am talking to her behind a different veil. You maybe a third person completely...but every time I talk to you, I feel as if she is nearby.
Forgetting someone you like, is not easy, and having you close won't help.
me: Alright.
Chatter: Thanks
me: Are you sure?
Chatter: Yes
me: Anything that makes you comfortable. :)
I am there whenever you want to talk.
I am always there as a friend, whenever you need. :)
Chatter: Thanks...take care
me: You too.
I will miss you.
Chatter: Now don't make me cry...go
:P
me: LOL.
I really liked talking to you.
Chatter: So did I
me: You were a good friend.
Anyway, things always do not go as we plan.
Whether it is your plan of spending an entire life with R.
Or me making great friends with you.
:)
Take Care.
Resource Humans well. ;)
All the Best.
Chatter: ha ha..sure :P
cya
me: Bye.
Chatter: Bye.

For the next ten days I resist not pinging my favorite Blogger Online Friend. The only one whom I hit it off immediately in the first few conversations. Conversations so free flowing, comfortable and random that the last time I felt this way chatting with somebody was when G and I had hit it off. But much to my delight, Chatter pinged me and the old days seemed to come back. We chatted the way we did. We never discussed his past love, R, for another one month.

Chatter: So I guess its goodbye then
me: I really do not know what to say.
Chatter: You don't have to...the choices we make...our actions speak a lot in themselves
Its ok
me: I guess you should know how weird it is to receive mails like the one you sent.
And to be brutally honest with you, This is not a fair way to treat me.
Anyway, to each to his own.
Chatter: mails?
me: I do not think I want to say much.
Yes.
The one you sent a few days back.
("This is the deal, I feel u r my 'R' parading around with a diff name...but I could be wrong also. If u r not the same person, and you really want me to be around, then please do reveal your real identity...

if you can't and i can appreciate your reasons please do remember me in good light

god bless")
Chatter: Have you imagined what it is like to have loved and lost
to have imagined ones life with someone
to have seen the possibility
and then seen the light go out
just because I am smiling does not mean I am okay.
I am just trying to preserve my sanity now.
me: I understand.
But does that give you the right to hurt people?
Chatter: But how did I hurt you?
I asked you if you felt I was friend enough to know your real identity
and you chose not to tell me about it.
me: This is not the first time you have said you do not want to talk because you think I maybe R.
It is irritating.
And hurtful to see people coming and talking to you whenever they want to and then face their mood swings.
Chatter: That i agree is my fault....for therein lies an assumption i made...that you were her and there was stuff you'd rather say to me as sealed lip than her
so for me it was talking to the same person
not different people
me: Whatever.
I know what you are talking.
But ... forget it.
I do not think I see any point in saying anything further.
Chatter: I agree the point was actually quite simple...am I a friend enough for you to tell your real identity...
and your answer
is no
has been no
and that is that
whatever points you raised are fair...but are not the real point
That one thing would have solved a whole lot more
No secrecy
No assumptions
me: The point is a friend is expected to respect your privacy, whatever level you want to hold.
In case it is difficult for you to respect who I am, I do not think there lies a point at all.
Chatter: I do...and till I didn't have a need of knowing that the two people were same or different
I didn't push that point
But now I need to
me: You can not force me to tell or do something. Can you?
And if you intend dong that, please answer, is that respectful?
Chatter: No but I can request and depending on what you choose to do, I have to make tough choices, you think i like losing friends? you are somebody i can talk to and connect to...I must be really pushed to my limits to have to do something like this...wouldn't I?
Now u tell me
What should I do?
Being a friend is also about taking responsibility for your friend's smile...
Is your privacy so earth shatteringly more important than my smile?
Hey gtg
Please think about what I said
I beg of u
I don't want to loose you
I've lost enough already.

It is not for the first time someone on my Sealed Lip I.D. has forced me to reveal my identity. It is not for the first time I have had 'friends' saying Bye because I am not 'real' enough.

Here, is a different world, probably living a different life too. A different set of 'real' friends. A completely different set of emotions. A completely different profile. Just because it is all so different from my physical reality, it does not become unreal. Why is it always so hard for people to accept people as they are? How do we manage to find some 'worthy secret' or curiosity to ruin relationships? What is the level of privacy that all relationships should have, after all? Is the strength of a relationship directly proportionate to the amount of 'secrecy' unlocked?

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

P.S. - To all my dear Bloggers, I have not been regular because of Mood Swings and Business. Will be visiting your Blogs soon. Often I visit your Blogs, read but do not find the time to comment properly. Please bare with me. :) Thank you all. Kisses.

I got another Award. Thank you Ki! :)

All Night Long

"What movie do you want to watch?"
"Some scary movie."
"K! I thought we grew up. Lights off. Alone at home. Scary movie. Is it still exciting?"
"Hell yes!"
Stare at her for 5 seconds and then spring up.
"Hell yeah, baby!"
Going through the three shelf DVD piles.
"Damn L! Your collection has not changed. We have been going through these movies forever. Khartoum. Lawrence of Arabia. Cleopatra. Argh. Scary!!"
"I want watch something like Chucky or Elm Street."
"Well, you do not have it."
"Fuck! I do not have scary movies, at all, ya."
"Lets watch Scream."
"Its not scary and you must have seen it."
"No."
"Everyone has seen Scream, K!"
"I know I am special. The usual never applies to me."
Her petite body lost in my T shirt does the 'usual' super star pose.

We settle on the floor, like old days.
Lots of pillows. Long. Soft. Hard. Heart shaped. All possible shapes and sizes.
A pack of Wills Navy Cut.
A cheap transparent green lighter.
A Mixer jug full to the brim with Costa Coffee-ish Cold Coffee.
A big bowl of Butter Pepper Popcorn, with extra butter.
Television Remote.
DVD Remote.
A.C. Remote.
And a sheet to cover us.

"Shit! It has Drew Barrymore."
"Yeah."
"Stupid woman! Not there! Shit... No... no..."
"K! If they do as we ask them too. There would be no scary movies."
And we spend the next 1.5 hours warning every single person running frantically trying to escape the killer. Guessing. Laughing. Fighting over the temperature of the A.C. Having Pop Corn and gulping the Coffee, which was worst than we thought it would be.

"He was the killer."
"I thought so too."
"L! You have seen the movie."
"Yeah! But you know I have terrible movie. I read the same book so many times not realizing I have read it earlier."
"Thank God for my good memory."
"Yeah right! It took you a decade to remember my right birthday."
"Oh! L..."
"Wow! Now what?"
"Behenchod The power had to go dating right now."
"Want some Chai?"
"Oh yes! That sounds great."

Sitting on the green granite with her legs folded, "L! You must have learnt how to cook now, na?"
"I knew how to make tea earlier as well, K."
"Yeah... Like you could make Tea, Maggie and that also you would not if I or Su were there."
"And jugs and jugs of Tang."
"Oh shit! Yeah!"
"You know, now those big tins of Tang are kept unused for months. It was so different some years back."
Picking our cups, we walk back towards the room.
"And only the two of us have remained with each other."
"Yeah."
"You know na, how I am, L? I would get lost and never stay in touch."
"Yes, but we have stuck around and will always do so."
"Cheers!"
"Cheers!"
Comfortable silences filling the room as we sip Tulsi tea.

"Okay! Never have I ever.... Kissed a girl."
"Never!"
"You are a Loser, L!"
"Yeah right, Lucky Bitch!"
"Your turn."
"Never have I ever worn bright colorful panties under light colored clothes to show them off."
She sipped her tea.
"We do not answer. We just sip our tea if we have."
"Damn! That way my tea will never get over."
"Ok. Never have I ever.... Wanted to have sex in public."
"Wanted? Yes."
She sipped.
"What the Fuck? Where?"
"Outside my ex's school after we went visiting it... And I have made out with this guy in my brother's girlfriend's balcony. And made out here.... there..."
The list was pretty long.
"Oh! Made out! Yeah, G and I made outside your ex's house. In his lift."
"Whoa! WTF!"
"Well, you guys were taking too long to come back home."
"L!"
"Yeah K!"
We laugh for the next five minutes rolling on the floor.
"OK. OK. Never have I ever..."
"Its my turn, K."
She offered me a cigarette.
"You know. I left, K."
"When did you start regularly?"
"Did. For some time. Now off it, completely."
"One for friendship? We have not fagged together in ages."
And she starts lighting for me after I shrugged in agreement.
"No! This time I will light for the two of us. You have always done it in the past."
"Okay."
As the first puff covers our face with smoke, I continue the game, "Never have I ever wanted to do another man in the presence of my boyfriend."
She sipped again.
"I told you my tea will never get over!"
"Never have I ever.... ever... uuummm.... ever.... done a stranger."
She sipped AGAIN!
"WTF!"
"I was stoned so we made out. And once I slept with this girl's boyfriend, who were from my college. She hates me!"
"D'uh K!"
"Fuck! I am sure something like this will happen to me as well. What goes around comes around!"
"Why? Why will this come back to you?"
"I have hurt her."
"Yeah right! Like her boyfriend hurting her was not enough."
"LOL."
"OKAY! Never have I ever...looked in a man's eyes while fantasizing about him."
And this time we both sipped. Fuck! The tea was cold now!
"Never have I ever tried anal."
We sipped.
"Have not we all?", I asked.
"What is with men and anal sex?"
"Yeah! Like the vagina is not enough."
"Did you like it?"
"To be very honest. I did not know where it was!"
"You too? Hah!"
Hi Five! And the thunderous clap brought back the Power.

"Oh! Good."
And we finished the trilogy by 6:30 a.m., guessing, laughing, screaming.

"Now, I am going to my Gym."
"Are you crazy? You will sleep on the Treadmill."
"I have not gone in like a week."
"No. Do not. Your body has not gotten rest."
"But I am fresh."
K walked towards the mirror.
"Come lets do some make up."
"Why are you like my sister?"
"Oh my God! Your sister also likes to do all of this?"
"Yeah! She too makes plans like you do about mid night make up sessions."
"Oh yeah L, remember, we decided we will do nice make up this time. Not like our first night stay when I did nice pink make up for you and you went and applied something green on your eyes."
"I was wearing green!", I cry defensively.
"If you are wearing orange baby, you do not apply orange all over your face and become all Orange."
"Oh! Lets go for a walk."
"Not when I only have my Peep Toes."
"Okay. Anyway, its been long since I slept in the morning."
And I crawl inside the bed sheet.
"No L! Make up!"
"At 7 in the morning? Are you okay?"
"Come on L! You know I have never let you sleep when we are together."
"Oh yes! Ain't no sunshine when he's gone..."
"Fuck! I kept you awake just because I wanted you to hear me sing this continuously for my crush then."
"And then you slept singing while I was still up!"
"Oh L!"
And she jumped onto the bed.
"We are travelling together this weekend. Its going to be fun."
"We have travelled earlier as well."
"Yeah! We will go shopping in the evening."
"Superb."
"Gosh! I want to have sex with G."
"You are so Monika, L."
"No! I am not even close to being a cleanliness freak."
"You are the one with a stable relationship. And I keep flipping like, Jennifer Aniston."
"No. I am Joey."
"I am always flipping."
"I want G."
"Fuck!"

I guess we had started Sleep Talking. We slept in no time.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Love 'n' Peace.

P.S. - It is only when I am terrible or ecstatic that I vanish. This time it was both. Please forgive me for not visiting your Blogs, will do so slowly and catch up. :)

Also, while I was absconding, my generous beautiful Blogger friend, The Pink Orchid, who on completing 100 posts did a complete Award Ceremony to honor her readers, bestowed upon me The Blogger Dudette Award and the This Blog is Hot Certification. Thanks allot Pink.

A Big Thank you to my dear Don't Be a Slut Blogger Friend, who handed over The Kreativ Blogger Award. It feels great when Awards come your way from your favorite Bloggers. Thank you Girls! You two made my day! Big Hug and Kisses.